Deep in Reverie

 

I stood there, in front of my all-time favourite deep ocean. The waves always looked so appealing to me. That huge wave that was on its way to engulf me also looked graceful, in spite of its roaring sound. Waves are always so special to me, soothing and comforting. But this one doesn’t feel the same. I felt numb. I can’t breathe. I felt like someone choking me. ‘I want to get out of here.’ That unending horizon which I always wanted to reach starts fading. It doesn’t seem that alluring as it used to be. So it was not a door to escape?

I opened my eyes with a jerk to see that pinkish blue sky which always caught my attention. Unlike the setting sun that everyone loved, I liked the ocean and the sky when the sun gives its way to the moon. It’s nearly 6.30 and the nature is slowly falling asleep. The birds getting back to its nests, people back from work, the rush hour gone and everyone is starting to blend with the consoling crescent. My eyes were not ready to get off that attractive sky. It started to get darker, pinkish blue turning into violet and finally into a pitch black except for those tiny twinkling dots.

So now it’s time. Time to enjoy the night view of Bangkok city. City lights adorning that ever so lovely Siam Square. I felt like I’ve already seen this. Seems like a déjà vu but not really. Starting from witnessing the Love of Siam and several other love stories, the intersection looked more royal. The more I wandered around the streets, the more I felt bad for Mew.

It was my last day in this beautiful city which whole heartedly accepted humans for who they are. I went from shops to shops to collect souvenirs. The street stalls that served local Thai food kicked off my taste palates and I craved for more. The longing and yearning I have for Thailand and the realisation that it might be my last visit made it severe. I walked through the streets listening to the musical slang of the natives. Thai always had that effect on me, stressing out the consonants makes it hard to pronounce but musical to listen.

The crescent didn’t look that attractive to me. I always liked full moon maybe ‘coz it’s brighter than the former. It gave me a feeling that I can reach out to it anytime I want. The rush hour in the streets slowly started to fade away. Shops started to close one by one and the whole atmosphere became dull. No more chit chats, no more bargaining and it’s time for me to go there, that favourite place where I can count those never- ending waves. It is just a walk of 20 minutes to the nearest Navy Beach. The road is so lonely except for some cabs and motor bikes passing by. But it felt safe. No one was interested in the foreigners. They had their own life. Somewhere in between, I started to have a creepy feeling, as if someone was following. The life has always asked me to fear darkness. So the loneliness and darkness made it worse. I wanted to look back but not sure of the things I might see. I wanted to run but again not sure whether my knees will betray half way through.

I turned back, scared of whatever I am going to face. ‘Was it a human?’ I was not sure. I fell, feeling that rocky ground behind my head. ‘It’s so painful’. I wanted to kick off that thing which was holding me to the ground. But it was strong, too strong that I was not even able to lift my hand. ‘I feel numb. I can’t breathe. Someone is choking me. I want to get out of here.’ I passed out even before I realised.

Someone is dragging me through a bumpy surface. My whole body is aching. It’s all dark around me. And I can see a bright light at the end of a doorway or is it the beginning?

Sol kicked me out of my afternoon nap calling out “Zia, come and have tea. We have a special today.” I dragged my body, heavy of slumber, out of the bed to the hallway. We sat together to have tea.

“It’s coffee Sol!” I said irritated.

“I know. Just have it.” She shrugged me off. “Let’s go for a walk. It’s been so long since we are here, doing nothing.”

“Let’s go to beach.”

“Again?” She rolled her eyes.

“Why not? Sea is pretty.” I retorted.

We dressed up comfortably to have a walk along the shores. There was a warning about heavy storm nearing the coasts of Southern Peninsula. Sol didn’t hear about that. I didn’t want to inform her also. She’s scared of everything. We took our hand phones and got out of the room.

“It’s so cloudy. It may rain today.”

I ignored her.

“Can’t you hear me?”

“What if it rains? You know rain is a beautiful as the sea!” I said looking up at the clouds.

“There you go again.” She said looking at me, disbelief in her eyes.

There was no more than a 10 minutes’ walk to the beach. We walked towards the sea through the growling storm and rumbling leaves. I was so excited about seeing the horizon which was all ready to pull and embrace me with its ambiguous aura.